In a previous post, I mentioned the Lord has me in a season of rest. Besides limiting my pursuit of hobbies, the Lord has limited my pursuit of Him. Intense study and prayer are off the table; I too easily turn these points of divine relationship into tasks to be achieved.
This season has been bewildering because I tend to be goal-oriented and achievement-driven. How do I rest? Who am I, and what do I do in this season? How do I flow with and relate to the Lord in rest? How do I find a sense of worth apart from productivity? These are a few of the questions I’ve wrestled with.
Last night, I felt as if I reached a new mile-marker in this season. The roadsign came with revelation. While getting ready for bed, I felt a sense of insignificance. Now, this sounds worse than it was. It was actually a positive, liberating feeling. Put another way, I felt free from the need to be anything special. As I prayed about this, the Holy Spirit brought more clarity. He said I was experiencing what it was to be “not” as in *not* I but Christ (Gal. 2:20). Part of this season of rest is knowing my death with Christ.
A sabbath began the evening of the day Christ was crucified and buried. You cannot rest any more fully than death. It is complete cessation. It is *total* dependence on God. If anything is to be or to happen, if any fruit or life is to come forth, it can *only* come from God.
Jesus’s three days in the grave also imply waiting. As you rest helplessly, you wait. I can only wait and trust that God will perform what He has promised–resurrection. But what a promise: “Sown in corruption, raised in incorruption; sown in dishonor, raised in glory; sown in weakness, raised in power; sown a natural body, raised a spiritual body” (1 Cor. 15:42-44). Resurrection. Christ, not me.
Lord, our hope is in you!