I have mentioned that I’m in a season of rest. The Lord has limited projects and study. Sometimes this has left me feeling bewildered and directionless.
Now and then I ask the Lord if there’s something else He wants me to start doing since most of what I used to do has stopped. I haven’t received any new direction.
The other night, I decided to talk with the Lord about this again. Since He’s asked me to put aside most activities that are meaningful to me, was there anything I could do that is meaningful to Him? I was not prepared for His answer.
In response to my question, the Lord said, “You are meaningful to me.” Isn’t it just like the Lord to address the real issue and not the question we ask?
For the last few days I’ve been thinking about what Jesus said to me. Thinking about it short-circuits my brain, to be honest. I can’t find anything meaningful about myself. I am meaningful (in my mind) because of what I do, how I contribute, etc. I can’t understand God valuing…just me.
It’s honestly preposterous. The idea that God loves me without fine print makes no sense. And yet, this is the gospel. After 20ish years of walking with the Lord, I guess it’s time I get on board with the gospel 😉 I guess it’s time I start thinking like God, time to connect to *real* purpose–just me dwelling in Him and Him in me.
My mind still wants to take this conversation in the direction of activities. It’s great God loves me but what am I supposed to do for the 17 or so hours a day I’m awake? The answer is probably this: If God’s love for *just me* doesn’t go to my core, it doesn’t much matter what I do all day. Spiritually, none of it will make a difference. By contrast, if God’s love permeates me then even mundane tasks become divine.
God is trying to move my thinking onto different ground entirely. Where I am trying to relate to Him–in the realm of doing and activities–is not where He is. It’s as if I’ve come to the tomb where I expected to find Him only to be told, “He is not here. He is risen!”
Not finding the Lord where you expect Him is disorienting at first. But it is also wonderful. It means finding Him where He is–outside our expectations. And where else would we find God? If He was always what we expect, always within what we can think or imagine, what would that look like? The answer is easy. It’s called idolatry.
So when God isn’t where we have always found Him, there’s only one thing to do: follow. Whether it makes sense or not, whether we understand or not. Even if we come with halting steps or, possibly, crawling, His heart toward us is the same. He just desires that we come into His heart-view and live there.